I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
