there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
