I'm jealous of your bromance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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