You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
