we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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