I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
