I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
