you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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