I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
