I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
