how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
