You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
