what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
