I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
