guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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