And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
