I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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