he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
