so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
