dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
