I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
