Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
