nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
