me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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