i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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