turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
