Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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