Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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