Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
