Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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