Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
