Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
