Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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