So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
