what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
