i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
