I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
