can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
