How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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