just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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