i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
