You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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