The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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