How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
