Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
