spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
