I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
