youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
