do herpes really smell.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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