And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
