This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
