I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
