I want to walk on stilts...naked
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
